He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
