Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
