I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
