Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
