I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
