epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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