nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
