well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
