I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
