Please, let me fuck your mom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
