If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
