So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
