Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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