Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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