Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
