I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
