i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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