Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
