My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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