Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
