i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
