wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
