one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
they need to just BURY HIM!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
