You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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