Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
