is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
