Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
