My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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