sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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