i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
