The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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