He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
