are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
