Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
