K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
