Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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