apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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