As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
