Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just blew my weed a kiss
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
