Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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