I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
