I bet he comes in French.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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