I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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