I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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