I wish you could order shots online.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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