Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
