Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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