I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
