You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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