We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
