He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
