so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
